Save Me
by rainbow-drinker-funtime
Summary: Lovino makes a promise to Antonio one night knowing he would break it. He hates himself and would do anything to be like his brother. Little does he know someone already thinks he's perfect. How far is he willing to go? And can Antonio save him? Spamano, self-harm, eating disorders, boyxboy. I write stories not summaries, the story is better I promise!
1. Chapter 1

Hey peoples! So this is my first story, well not really my first story because I'm writing like 5 different stories at the moment but this is the first published!

Sooo I'm not sure I'm gonna finish this... It's up to you guys, if people want me to finish it I will.

Warnings: Self-harm, self-hate, eating disorders, cussing, boyxboy, If you don't like any GO AWAY

I do not own Hetalia... If I did you would know...

Enjoy my horrible writing~

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I hate myself… more than I ever thought I could. I hate being fat, untalented, ugly, short, worthless, unneeded, unwanted, different… I hate that I have no self-control. I'm disgusting, nasty, horrible, weird, and mean. I hate how my family pretends to care about me. I know they don't, so they can stop lying to me.

Even my so called "friends" pretend to care about me and tell me I'm good-looking and skinny. If they were real friends they wouldn't lie to me. I hate my family. All of them are attractive and skinny. They are all perfect, especially Feliciano. He's perfect, he can do everything, and everyone wants him. He's a good artist, he's nice and innocent, and he does what he's told. I wish I was like him… But I can't be, no matter how much I try no one will ever like me as much as they like him.

So I have a plan try and be like him. Since I'm fat and he's not I'm going to stop eating. I know it's not healthy but I don't care. I want to be like him. Plus I hate food, it made me the way I am now, fat. I probably will break the promise I gave Antonio they day he found out about me. The first time I cut myself was few years ago when I found out he would rather have Feliciano than me. I started to do it a lot, I was surprised at how much it helped me, I've heard people that have done it say it made them feel better. I could never understand why though, until now.

Antonio found out one day a few weeks ago. I was in the bathroom sitting on the toilet crying because I heard Antonio complaining to the wine bastard and potato bastard about how stubborn and mean I am, and how he wished he hadn't taken me from Austria because he wouldn't be as stressed. Wine bastard was asking if he could have me while Antonio was telling him no and to stop asking. I had been thankful. To know he at least cared about me enough not to give me to the stupid wine bastard. But anyway, I was sitting on the toilet crying with a razor in my hand. I pulled up my sleeve and saw the old cuts and scars, he apparently had never noticed that I only wore long sleeves. I made about five or six deep cuts, -across the street not down the road- before Antonio knocked on the door.

-Flashback-

"Lovi? Are you alright? I heard crying." He sounded worried

I gasped and flushed the toilet pretending I was just using the bathroom, put my razor back in its hiding place, and started to rinse off my wrist. "What? I'm just going to the bathroom, stupid bastard. Why in the hell would I be crying?" I answered trying to get the blood to stop flowing. It didn't stop completely but if I spent this much time 'washing my hands' he would know something was up. I pulled down my sleeves thankful I wasn't wearing a white shirt and rinsed my face of trying to get rid of any hint of tears. I looked in the mirror to check, I looked a little better than before but my eyes were still puffy.

"Oh alright." He hadn't moved away from the door. I could tell since I didn't hear any foot-steps, I opened the door and my assumption was proven correct since he was still standing there looking down at me.

"Move bastard!" I said looking at the floor so he couldn't see my face.

"What were you doing then Lovi? You were in here for a while…" He said ignoring what I said.

"I… W-Why do you care bastard? Go hangout with your idiot friends and leave me alone!" I tried to get past him but he stopped me.

"Because I care about you Lovi~ and you seemed upset earlier." He said softly.

I wanted to laugh at what he said. But I didn't since then he would start asking even more questions. I didn't answer him and tried to get past him again. He stopped me again."Please tell me Lovi…"

"No! Just leave me alone!" I tried to get past him for the third time but he stopped me again. But this time he grabbed my chin and raised it forcing me to look at him.

"You have been crying…"He said sadly "Please tell me why…"

I felt blood start to drip down my hand from the cuts that were still bleeding. My eyes widened and I pushed him out, "No bastard, just leave me alone!" I slammed the door in his face and pulled my sleeve up to rinse off the blood. But being the pushy bastard he is and still wanting to know what was wrong he opened the door, which of course I forgot to lock.

He gasped when he saw me "L-Lovi…" he took a step forward closing the door "W-what have you done?" He grabbed my wrist and down at it.

My eyes widened "Get out bastard! And what do you think?"I said not taking it as seriously

"L-Lovi…why?" He looked at me with pleading eyes

"It's none of your business." I said quietly, I looked down at my wrist that he was still holding "It's not like you care…" I said even quieter hoping he didn't hear me.

"W-What do you mean? Of course I care Lovino!" I gasped looking up at him, he never used my full name unless he was serious. "How could you even think tha—" He stopped and looked down "You heard what I said didn't you…"

"Of course I did bastard! I hear you every time! If you hate me so much why don't you get rid of me? We both know the wine bastard would have taken me!" I shouted ripping my wrist from his hand making it bleed more.

"I-I'm sorry Lovino… I don't hate you… If I did I would have given you back to Roderich, I would never give you to Francis." He looked like he was on the verge of tears."This is all my fault… I'm so sorry Lovino. I'm such an idiot."He looked at me with sorry eyes

I laughed "You really think you're the only reason? No, you're wrong you're only part of it." I replied turning to rinse off my wrist.

"Lovino! This isn't funny! What's the other reason?" he asked

The cuts had stopped bleeding and I pushed my sleeve down, staring at him annoyed "It is, because you're pretending to care, and it's none of your damn business." I said walking around him and out of the bathroom.

"I'm not pretending Lovino!"He followed out the door and pushed me against the wall "Tell me!" He said putting a hand on either side of my head to keep me from running.

I looked up at him "I-I'm sorry Antonio…" I broke down and fell to my knees crying.

He got to his knees and lifted my chin wiping away my tears, "You have no reason to be sorry Lovi… C-can I see them?" He asked carefully

I nodded my head slowly and looked at him sadly. He took my wrist and pushed up the sleeve gasping at what he saw. "Lovi…" He said sadly while gently touching the cuts and scars. "Promise me…" He whispered still looking at my wrist.

I looked at him confused with tears still running down my face. "W-What? P-Promise y-you w-what?" I stuttered.

He looked at me "Promise me you won't cut ever again, and if you want to you will come talk to me."

"W-What?" I said not thinking he was serious

"I'm serious Lovino, promise me…" He stared into my eyes.

"I-I….ok…I promise…" I whispered looking back sadly.

"Thank you Lovi." He kissed my forehead and picked me up.

"W-Where are we going?" I asked looking at him confused.

"To bed" He stated carrying me bridal style.

"B-But my room is the other way." I said looking other Antonio's shoulder.

"I know. But you're sleeping in my room tonight."

"What? Why?"

"So I can take care of you tonight." He walked in and closed the door behind him.

"O-Okay…" I said as he gently placed me on the bed then crawled in next to me.

"Are you okay Lovi?" He asked pulling the blanket over us.

"Yeah I'm fine… T-Thank you Antonio…for everything." I said slowly falling asleep.

"You're welcome Lovi. Goodnight." He whispered wrapping an arm around me. I felt… different for some reason, with us sleeping like this. Something felt odd in my stomach, but it was a good kind of odd.

-End Flashback-

That was the day I made that stupid promise. And the day I fell in love with the dumb tomato bastard.

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So what do you guys think?

Review and tell me pwease! Also tell me if I should finish it!

Thanks lovelies~


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Sorry this took me so long, I've been really busy with school and family stuff.

This chapter isn't as good but I still think it is! I hope you all like it! 3

I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters.

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The bastard doesn't let me where long sleeves anymore, he doesn't trust me I guess, but I don't see why he cares. I kept my promise for a while but I broke it a few days ago, I had to use the metal part on a pencil though, since he hid all the knives and razors. I do it on my thighs now too, since there is no possible way he can see them, unless he walks in on me changing or something.

I hadn't done it in a few weeks so once I could I kind of went all out. There's barley any room on them to cut unless I cut over the old ones or try and get the underside of my thighs, well not really. I'm kind of exaggerating there but whatever. I haven't eaten anything except for a little breakfast since last week, it's easy not to since he's never home. For someone who says he cares so much he sure doesn't act like it. If he cares so much he wouldn't leave me home alone all the time so he can hang out with his stupid friends.

Feliciano is the same way too. But he doesn't know about the whole cutting thing, I made Antonio promise not to tell anyone. But I never see either of them anymore, I'm pretty much just home alone all day, every day because Feli is too busy with the dumb potato bastard and like I said before Antonio is too busy with his stupid friends. One thing I'm happy about though, is that I've lost weight. I'm not quite as fat anymore, still fat though.

It's not fair… I mean I know I'm not necessarily nice, or kind, or well…you understand… But what did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to be the one with the shitty life? Why can't it be someone else!? I mean, of course I know I'm not the only one… But still!

I know I shouldn't let all of this shit get to me… It's not like I was raped or abused or any of that, unless you count the wine bastard being a pervert… But I can't help it! It's like Antonio and Feliciano rule my life! Fuck! I hate this so much! I just want it to be over! If I wasn't such a fucking wimp I would already be gone!

Sadly that asshole is here so I can't do anything right now. Fuck, I hear him walking toward my room.

"Lovi? Can I come in?" Antonio asked as he knocked on Lovino's bedroom door, pulling Lovino out of his thoughts.

"It's your house bastard. You can do whatever you want." He answered, turning over onto his stomach to put his face in the pillow.

Antonio walked in. He was frowning at the name the other called him, even though he should be used to it.

"Are you okay Lovi? You haven't been out of your room all day…in fact I haven't seen you come out of your room in a while." He said sadly, sitting on the edge of the others bed and putting his hand on the others back.

"I'm fine, and how would you know? It's not like you have been home to notice." He said into the pillow.

Antonio frowned more at the others comment. "I'm sorry for that Lovino…' he said quietly "I said I was going to take care of you, but I haven't been…"

Lovino scoffed. "No shit, but I don't care anyway, I never have. Besides, I can take care of myself."

Antonio could tell that he was lying and sighed. "Lovino, please don't lie to me… I can tell that you care that I'm not here most of the time, and I know you can take care of yourself. I'm just worried about you and I wish I could be at home more often. It's just… I've been really busy at work…" he said sadly.

Lovino sat up and looked at the other like he was insane. "That's bullshit and you know it. You haven't been busy at work! You've been with your stupid fucking friends most of the time! How the hell do you know what I care about? Like I said you're never here! Don't lie to you? Fine! I don't give a shit whether or not you are here, out hanging with your idiot friends, doing work, or whatever the hell it is! But I fucking hate how you pretend you care in the rare event you are home, like right fucking now! I can't stand how you think I'll be perfectly fine alone in this fucking house, when you know what I have done!" He yelled at the older, wanting to say more but knowing if he did he would accidently end up telling that he broke the promise.

"Lovino, I just—" Antonio started but Lovino cut him off.

"Stop, don't even try. Just get out and leave me alone, asshole." He said putting his face back down in the pillow.

"No, not with everything you just said. We are going to sit here and talk whether you like it or not. But since I know you won't talk then I'll just sit here till you do."

The Italian groaned and started to try and get some sleep, after about 30 minutes he realized the other really wasn't going to leave.

Antonio laid down beside the younger man and turned on his side to look at him. He smiled slightly. "It's your decision."

Lovino, instead of talking, and deciding to sick with being the stubborn Italian that he is, chucked a pillow at the Spanish man's head and glared at him.

Antonio chuckled and rolled over onto his stomach, matching Lovino's position. "I can stay here all night you know."

"Have you ever heard of a little thing called mind your own fucking business? Or maybe privacy? Personal space even? Cause I heard they are all great." Lovino rolled his eyes at the other and said sarcastically.

The Spaniard chucked again "Yes Lovi, I have. I'm still not leaving until you tell me though."

"Why not? It's really none of your fucking business."

"I just want to make sure you're okay…" Antonio said softly, a small frown on his face.

Lovino looked at him and could tell his word were sincere, sighing he sat up and said, "Fine, maybe once I do I can get some sleep. Look I just-ugh, nothing has changed, and it's just been pissing me off. Nothing has changed here since before, that happened, and now, it's all the same except that you don't bring any of your stupid friends over."

"Lovino I-"Antonio tried to say before Lovino cut him off.

"I'm not done. I hate that you can go and say that you care but soon after you leave me alone in this huge fucking house with nowhere to go because I can't stand that stupid German Feli is always with. Then you get upset because I don't believe you actually give a shit about me! It's not fair Antonio! But don't worry, I'm actually starting to get so used to it that you won't even have to worry about me! You can just spend every fucking second of your life with the other two assholes and leave me here so I don't have to deal with you or them. Happy now?" He laid back down with his back to Antonio _God I sound like a fucking girl, _he thought.

A few seconds passed before he finally responded. "Do you really feel like that, Lovino?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. Now leave so I can sleep."

"Lovino I'm sorry… I know we're immature, I know they are assholes and I know I'm never home. I'm so, so sorry Lovino… I actually told them today I wasn't going to hangout as much I as normally do, told them I have better things to do then act like 5-year-olds." Antonio smiled lightly.

The Italian scoffed, "Like what?"

"Stay here with you." He said still smiling, seeing Lovino look over his shoulder at him.

"Why should I believe you? You lied before." At this Antonio's smile was gone.

"Because it's the truth Lovino, I swear."

"Ugh fine, whatever. I believe you. Now please Toni, leave so I can sleep." He said putting his head back on the pillow.

Antonio smiled widely and laid down behind Lovino, so that they were in a spooning position.

"Oh hell no, get out." Lovino said, smacking the others hands, though he secretly wanted him to stay.

"Nope, staying for the night, Lovi~ " He said, only wrapping his arms tighter around the Italian and pressing his face into his hair.

"You're really not going to leave are you?" The younger said annoyed, giving up on his protesting.

"Nope~" Antonio answered, slowly starting to fall asleep.

"God dammit."

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Again sorry it's so short, and I kinda wanted the ending to be a little funny like that, lighten up the mood a bit!

Reviews help motivate me!3


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